Strengthening My Relationship

How can I improve my relationship with my child's other parent—whether we're together or not?

“Co-parenting.” What the heck does that mean? The simplest definition of co-parenting is to share the responsibilities of raising your child with another person.

Whether you stay together or not, your economic mobility will still be affected by the fact that you have a child with another person. However, if you split up, there are a lot of extra costs because you aren’t sharing things like a home, car, etc., so it’s going to be more expensive. 

Additionally, unhealthy co-parenting leads to children earning less money throughout their lifetime. It can also affect their ability to form healthy relationships. Not to mention, getting support from your child’s other parent can be helpful to you!

Think about how you were raised, your friends’ experiences, or how you interact with your child’s other parent now. What co-parenting things have you seen that affect kids positively or negatively?

He’s dating another girl and the mom talks trash about her!

We make a shared Google calendar with all our schedules. My son’s dad shows up when he is supposed to take our son to practice.

So, what does good co-parenting look like?

• Effective communication—You listen to one another and share important information that affects your child.
• Not putting the child in the middle.
• Being dependable—You keep your word to your child and your child’s other parent.
• Following consistent schedules.
• Not bad mouthing the other parent in front of your child.
• Not arguing in front of your child, through texts with the other parent, or on social media.
• Not sending messages to the other parent through your child.
• Being businesslike if you can’t be friendly—the way you would treat someone with whom you work.
• Admitting when you’re wrong.
• Getting good at resolving conflict—The main thing co-parents can do to make sure your child is OK is to find ways to resolve conflict.

Here are four tips to resolve conflict:

• Focus on the problem, not the person.
• Take time outs if you get upset.
• Listen to understand the other person—and repeat back to them what you heard
• Use “I Statements.” These statements focus on your own feelings and experiences, not about what the other person has done or failed to do. You’re not pointing the finger or placing blame. Examples of “I Statements” include:
• “I feel frustrated when my feelings aren’t heard or acknowledged.”
• “I feel angry when you interrupt me.”